Brad and Collette glanced at each other and knew what to do next. They were recently in a bystander intervention training đź’ˇ together and remembered how critical it is to step in when someone else is experiencing discrimination đź’ˇ, microaggressions đź’ˇ, harassment đź’ˇ, or other situations that require a bystander to step in and educate or de-escalate.
A key piece of the training is related to understanding the situation and using the appropriate response. In this situation, helping Ana understand that even though she didn’t mean harm, her comment about Michelle’s English should not have been made. This is what Brad and Collette would focus on.
During their call, Brad and Collette explain that they’d like to discuss what occurred at the meeting earlier with Michelle. Before Brad and Collette could speak, Ana reiterated her earlier point, “I was only complimenting Michelle! It was a fantastic presentation.”
Collette replied, “Her presentation was fantastic! However, you also mentioned she spoke English really well 💡. Do you understand why that comment may be seen as disrespectful?”
Ana looked confused. “No, I don’t. What am I missing? She DOES speak English well! 💡”
Brad jumped in. “Maybe it’ll help if I framed it a little differently. Has that been a compliment someone has given to you after a presentation?”
After a long pause, Ana replied, “No. I guess I never thought about it that way before.”
Brad responded, “That’s why it’s important to be extra thoughtful with what you’re saying or the actions you’re taking. Even if you think it’s complimentary, it might not be seen that way by the other person. When someone notes that an Asian person speaks well, they are implicitly promoting the belief that speaking well is unusual or an aberration, and by extension that the person or the AAPI community will be perpetual foreigners.”
Collette remembered one of the 5Ds 💡 of the bystander intervention training – direct. She wanted to make sure that both she and Brad were being as clear and straightforward as possible.
Collette responded, “I know you didn’t intend for your comment to be hurtful. It’s an example of a microaggression. Whether intentional or not, it’s critical to better understand the issues and injustices others are facing. And when we see something that’s not right, we should say something. Brad and I don’t want you to feel defensive because we know you meant well, but Michelle might not. We wanted to take this as an opportunity to have an honest discussion. Do you have any additional questions for us?”
Ana thought for a moment. “I appreciate you both taking me aside and having the discussion with me. I didn’t realize what I was saying was hurtful – and that it was an example of a microaggression. I’m going to apologize to Michelle when she comes back next month unless you think it could make her feel uncomfortable. And…I really want to learn more and find ways to help – not hurt – others. Any ideas?”
Brad and Collette both smiled. Collette replied. “I think apologizing to Michelle is a great idea. Letting her know that you realized the comment you made was not right – and that you are committed to growing, learning and adjusting as you continue your DEI journey – is a positive step forward. I’ve personally learned so much over the past few years and would be happy to share the resources that were helpful to me! Let me send you some links, and we can also figure out a time to chat more once you’ve had a chance to look at them.”
Key considerations:
If you see something, say something. Be direct and clear without escalating the situation.
It’s never too late to learn more, and see what resources are available to learn more about what you can do as a bystander.
Would you like additional information about bystander intervention, microaggressions and other topics discussed in this Path:
đź“– Read about bystander intervention training related to violence directed to the Asian-American community: Bystander Intervention Resources | Hollaback! End Harassment (ihollaback.org)
📖 Read about bystander intervention training in the workplace: Societies | Free Full-Text | Standing by or Standing Up?—How Philosophy Can (In)form Our Understanding of Bystander Behaviours in Workplace Bullying Dynamics | HTML (mdpi.com)
đź“– Read a comic on bystander intervention: Bystander Intervention: How To Deescalate Dangerous Situations : Life Kit : NPR
đź“– Read about microaggressions generally: ELAMICRO A_Guide_to_Responding_to_Microaggressions.pdf (advancingjustice-la.org)
đź“– Read about microaggression responses: How to Respond to Microaggressions - The New York Times (nytimes.com)
đź“– Read about microaggressions in the workplace: When and How to Respond to Microaggressions (hbr.org)
đź“– Read about microaggressions when you are the recipient, a bystander or the perpetrator: Did you really just say that? (apa.org)
đź“– Read about how microaggressions impact groups other than Asian-Americans: vol-108-no-2-2016-15.pdf (aallnet.org) and Law As Microaggression (yale.edu)
đź“– Read about microaggressions, free speech and the law: Microaggressions, Questionable Science, and Free Speech by Edward Cantu, Lee Jussim :: SSRN
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